So long people; hope I sound really cheerful with this line.

I don’t know why I’m writing this blog, but I just feel so bottled up, it’s as if I’m ready to burse any moment from now. And after seeing something, I really feel like crying, crying my heart out.

I’m constantly in a dilemma; I don’t know why I am always placed in this kind of situation all the time. It’s like as if there’s a switch for it, something like a rheostat (more applicable). Every time when things get better, when I no longer feel anything, there must be something that makes the feeling comes back. And it just comes back for that day, and probably that hour, that moment.

I don’t know, I really want to know how you feel, but I don’t have the courage to talk to you and ask for the answers that I’ve been seeking for so long, so desperately. Yet I don’t know what I’m going to do if the answers are not the ones that I really like or wanted then what do I do then? I’m so lost, so confused of what I should do.

The worst part now is me alone, having thoughts and fond memories coming back. I know it has been so long, but, these are things that I cannot just get rid in my life. To me now, they are like mental torture to me and I really hate these moments. It’s like I know how it feels like, but I’ll never get to feel it again.

Sometimes I feel so dumb because I know it’s not going to happen, but the feeling still lingers, or rather, I don’t think it has ever disappeared; I was just forcing myself to focus on something else. All these while, I’ve been keeping myself really busy and tired, just for one reason – so that I wouldn’t think so much and go straight to sleep. Apparently it hasn’t been working.

Hate myself for loving you, so true.
I want to hear this: can we get back?