Day was long, at least it wasn’t wasted, and instead, I think I had a fruitful day.

Flashbacks are like the worse nightmare for me, but today, it didn’t affect me that much anymore, not even with that song. Maybe because I’ve been hurt too long, I’ve gotten used to the sadness and pain that these memories had inflicted on me.

Today, I found out a lot, maybe too much information. It did make me feel a little uneasy because it just links back to what you told me. It made me fuming mad, you told me things that were untrue, you made me believe, and you made me trust and had faith in something that didn’t exist, something that wasn’t even true. I came to reason with myself that you basically did that so you’ll not feel guilty.

You know what happened between us, and I really don’t know what happened to make things turn and end up this way. All the things you told others, remember it, etch it in your mind, because that is what made me see, see the true you. You’ve lied to me, before, after and even during the relationship. It was only until today, I felt this lied to, this cheated. Love is indeed blind.

Letting go is the hardest thing to do, moving on seems so impossible to me. What we did left a scar, a deep scar. But do you care; you don’t, because you’re happily moving on long before we ended. It doesn’t matter what happen to them, but well, you wouldn’t bother anyway. Its like “what can you fucking do?” Answer is nothing; if you did care, you wouldn’t have left me here to face all these shit alone, you would be like what you told me then “I’ll be there going through it with you”

Empty promises and lies, yet again. I really feel so damn naïve to believe in your words. Guess your words were my ecstasy. It didn’t matter to me then whether you were lying, but well, reality does have its own way of waking you up from your dreams doesn’t it? Each time I realize, it makes me feel so damn dumb and even dumber when it becomes the second, third time and so on.

To me, it was like why you even cared since you like someone else, why make me feel that there was this glimpse of hope there for the both of us to become back together. It’s so redundant, so unfair for me. To think of what we’ve become now, it is really pathetic to the core.

We were strangers and we became friends. We started chatting on MSN, back then you liked someone else and I treated you like a normal friend. Then we started to meet up and go to school together, there was this spark that suddenly grew within me. It was minor crush, because I knew you liked someone else. Everything went on fine till we started going back home together too, and then we went training together and we trained together as a pol-ite junior team. I felt a major crush this time round and tried every single thing to get rid of that feeling, guess it was impossible. Then we got together at a chalet I invited you to, things blossomed since then, or at least I thought so.

To come to think of it now, I felt that maybe right from the start, you felt forced, like what you told me recently. You said I was clingy, which I thought you were the one clinging on to me, everything you felt, I felt it from you. Everything was like chaos, I felt chaotic, my life became like shit, I felt wasted, and I wanted to get wasted.

Maybe you were right, everything was a mistake right from the start.