This year is coming to an end soon, so much happened, so much difference.

Few days back, I was just like normal; happy about the race results and all, but now everything is different. Mummy asking me if everything is okay, I turned and looked at her with that weary eyes and replied “yes, everything is fine”. As much as I hated lying, I’m left with no choice. I don’t want her to worry and know that something’s wrong, very wrong with me.

Grandma is sick, like really sick. I’m so worried. Thought that was the only bad thing that was happening to me, then you need to tell me something I dreaded the most. At that point of time, everything just came crashing down on me. It was like the pillars that I build up again were smashed, I had the roof crashing right down onto the ground.

To me life seems so hopeless now; everything that I’ve ever wanted seems snatched away from me. It’s so unfair, well life is never fair isn’t it. Everything when you’re enjoying the best of it, something just has to come in and screw things up, understand why the term Fuck My Life came about? Yes, this shit, FML is designed for this.

When things got really better, I thought it was all over, like I’ve finally won that war, the war that I’ve been fighting for so long alone. But now, it just seemed like it was just a scheme that the enemy used against me, only to make me helpless and shrieking for help in the very end.

Every day I have to pretend like I’m alright, go on life like how I used to, think that everything would be fine. But who am I lying to? Myself? I know things are not fine, I know life isn’t just going to be like how it used to. Who would ever know how I feel? There isn’t just one person who knows.

I’ve been putting up this strong front of mine for too long. There are times when I really felt like breaking down in class, but I can’t. There’s just so much ego and pride in me that was trampled on your feet. Right now, I feel like a nobody, like a trash, something that you used to want, but when you got it, you threw it aside and went for something new.

Tolerance and acceptance should come hand in hand, but in this case, tolerance appeared on its own. You tolerated but never did accept. I should have known, I should have waited longer. It’s just too late for any regrets now, too bad jasmine, too bad.

Things aren’t going to be the same anymore, I just feel so hurt, so cheated, so lied to. Everything that you said didn’t seem true or make any sense to me now. I want you to tell me they are all true and that it still applies, but would you?

You kept asking me what I want, my answer is simple, I just wanted you to be happy. I got to admit, I got selfish, and that answer changed, “I want you to do things that made me happy”. Now I know, my selfishness got the better of me.

I’ve got nobody to blame for my plight now, nobody except myself. It was my choice, and I chose the wrong one. But I guess that strong front is going to be gone. I’ve pretended to be fine long enough, I think I deserve a break, a break from all these shit.

The worst goodbyes are the ones that you don’t want to happen.
But, they always happens;
Goodbye.