Hate the feeling of screwing things up and making people end up with nothing. Now its FYP’s turn, and I’m like making this poor fellow team-less because of a stupid button that I pressed. Hate this feeling to the very max.

This is only the start of the FYP, formation of teams, and I’m already screwing things up. Went to paddle today, and yea, I cannot even freaking hold on to the pain and lactic acid building up, I freaking just gave up. What am I going to become, a burden? A burden that cannot do what she should be able to.

Talking to you and making things like shit for you, it’s like my nature. I do it all the time, and this time, I made you go to the extent of thinking of avoiding me altogether. Seriously, I should just call myself burden.

Everything I do is wrong.

Do not be mistaken, I’m not quoting from anyone’s mouth, but yea, everything I do just doesn’t turn out good or even right. Even talking to the person I really love ends up this badly. What am I good at? Seriously, I might be even better off dead.

Thoughts of just leaving are just increasing with every word that I type. The anger, the helplessness overcomes me. I’ve never thought I would be facing this shit in my life, but here I am now, feeling every single inch of it in me.

This time round, I cannot pretend I’m okay, I cannot pretend you’ve forgiven me. People always say that “forgive and forget”, but the truth is, you can forgive, but not forget. And so it ends up, nobody actually does get forgiven.

I am my own’s nemesis.