Happy birthday granny

Though I have no idea how old you are this year, I’m glad I know you enjoyed yourself today. Dinner was nothing but another realization of how realistic people are nowadays.

It was supposed to be a family dinner for the celebration of my granny’s birthday. I went late because I didn’t know what time it started, and at least I wasn’t blamed for that. But that wasn’t the point, they ordered food that wasn’t even food that granny liked. And I don’t think any of us know what she actually likes because both grandparents have always been eating food that we liked and not what they liked.

When the dishes came, all the nicer food went to my brother, I was okay with it, I mean like yea, since he’s the youngest, should just give him the food that he likes. But how do I actually enjoy a meal when I barely had a chance to eat something that I like? I’m used to all the attention and pampering from my grandparents because I’m the eldest grandchild there, and of course, the first grandchild they had. Naturally, I get what I always want. But now, even the dish I like isn’t remembered because it has now become the dish that my brother likes.

I was furious, sad, and probably disappointed at how tiny the existence of my sister and I has become. Of course, my mood wasn’t as great right from the start from all the crap that happened, but a last minute birthday celebration dinner didn’t make it any better.

It got worse when my granny actually asked if I was okay, and why I looked so sad. I felt touched, it has been like months since I last saw her and yet she could easily tell my mood. So did my grandfather, he said I looked tired. How I wish I could tell him that I agree with him, and that I was really tired with life.

I know that life wasn’t as simple as ABCs, but I didn’t know that life was going to be like some bull -crap hell either. First, we go through shit in kindergarten, getting compared who is chubbier, cuter or prettier. Then we went on to getting compared in primary school about who has the nicest ponytail, who is using the cartoon bag, who has more pocket money. And in secondary school, we get compared about who has the better grades, the better school or the better stream. And when you think the comparison ended, we land ourselves in tertiary institutions, where our sport, passion, skills, grades and even your girlfriend or boyfriend gets compared again.

Living a life of comparisons and it leads to envy and jealousy.

Why are we, mankind, always digging our own graves all the time?

We come up with all sorts of equations and technology with the thought of bringing good for the world, but we end up having some douchebag assholes making use of them to commit crimes and do evil, and the equations just gives us, students a huge headache in school.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be more pleasant to live a life in Madagascar, away from the technology and civilization and just plain bonding with one another for food, fun and leisure in the wild, with the animals.

Thinking back, I don’t even know why I am studying sports science in RP. It seems like I’ve got more interest in social sciences. Social sciences are more straight forward, and more applicable to daily life instead of sports sciences. Science isn’t really my thing, and to be frank, I have problems dealing with mathematics and science when combined together. They are my nemesis.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking about the one year university deal with Griffith University in Australia, Gold Coast. It’s going to be another one long year of sports science, but at least I get my degree. Also, I can take that one year as a break from Singapore and all the bull shit that is related to me here and have a break in Australia. But I’m starting to worry about the cost and all. Since I don’t work, the expenses and costs would be fully paid by my parents, which wouldn’t be a small sum. Not to mention the high living cost there and in addition a spendthrift daughter like me who loves to splurge on food and life.

Wouldn’t it be great if everything comes in small sizes including expenses?